So...mole skin.

How many moles does it take to make one of those mole skin shirts?

I mean this is ridiculous!!!

Generation

Mother and Father…

At the Threshold of spring

Virtuous Snow melts.

Water, hastens a River round the Bend, coursing the Wildwood,

nurturing Bamboo and the White Pine,

Life… is Complete.

I saw a woman with an interesting brand of bottled wine at the liquor store the other day. It had the picture of a a hippo on the side and was called "Fat Bastard" Charbonnay

Waiter: Waht would you like with your fish sir

Me: Oh, I think I'll have a white...ah yes a Fat Bastard please.

Waiter: Very Good Sir...

Has anyone else ever noticed irony in the name of speaker manufacturer Bang and Olufson?
I mean the first name is "BANG", probably something you wouldn't want to hear from your set of speakers, and more appropriately a sound that you would not want to define or be associated with the sound quality of your speakers. Thank god for the Olufson though!! That makes everything ok... I mean if your don't have your Olufson what do you have?

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Santa is facing hard times but what are some of the things he can do to keep up with demand, reinvent his image and take back some of the market that he has lost in recent years to online giants like amazon.com.

I think Santa should invest in a quality CRM (Children Relationship Management) system that can help them get all those children's "wishes" for toys off the list and into a database. Perhaps that would let Santa see the trends in "wish" demand and be able to manufacture according to the demand increase of particular toys. He could start a Santa's workshop website www.santasworkshop.com (hey its available!!) and track demand as well as allow children (or parents) to "wish early" in order to make sure their child has a toy reserved for that snowy Christmas morning that we all know and love. That said, in order to deal with the excess demand for toys and the lack of qualified elves to do the work (the elf population is in decline according to recent statistics), Santa's workshop will have to outsource some of the manufacturing to China (or Taiwan) in order to keep costs low. This move will of course have to be very "hush hush" as the association of Santa to child labor will kill his popularity, and have a drastic affect on "wishes". To increase supply time many of these children will probably have to move closer to the north pole under the guise of a small mining company that speculates in gold and lost toys. I recommend the use the management skills of Yukon Cornelius to manage the plant in its new location in...of course...the Yukon.

This type of expansion will cost money so I also recommend Santas pursuing a small IPO in order to cover the cost of expansion. This is a good opportunity to raise capital and give some small stock incentives to the elves.

Additionally I would like to add that it is definitely time for Santa to upgrade his ERP (Elf Resource Planning) software to help with the management of the elves, the additional capital and the new plant in the Yukon. An ERP system will help them better manage the use of their money and drive expansion into newer markets (like the internet), as well as help Santa and his new board of directors plan for expansions in manufacturing sales and marketing. Should Santa start a catalog based sales entity like L.L. Bean or Pottery Barn? Maybe become a vendor as amazon.com? Perhaps he could have stores open all year round that would take the wishes of children early get a head start on the trends in "wishing". This would also be a good way to get a head start on that "naughty or nice" list too, by observing the children's behavior when they find out the toy in the store can only be wished for and not purchased over the counter, now.

All in all Santa needs to step into the 21st Century and incorporate, hire a good team of lawyers (preferably with children for leverage), and start making vertical mergers with material suppliers in order to keep costs down and compete with other users of child labor like Wal-Mart.

Ok, Saddam is bitching again about unfairness in his trial. I say we get Judge Judy to preside over his trial.

Judy: You killed thousands of people, you have to take responsibility for that

Saddam: I have done nothing!!

Judy: This polica report says different. In here it says you killed thousands of people. Now who am I going to believe, you or a police report?

Saddam: I have done nothing!

Judy: Sir. it's in the police report, and Shaniqua here was one of your victims!

Shaniqua: That's right. That no good rotten Mother^$^%er, tied me up, hung me from the rafters, and did unspeakable things to me like: **Unspeakable acts of violence beeped out for the viewing audience**

Shaniqua: And then hit lit my G&# D@#$ hair on fire. Mother&%%er. What the %$#%$ was that!

Shaniqua: bitch!

...tbc